


Clueless

by Brenda



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, M/M, Military Backstory, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Thor Is Not Stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-05 11:43:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4178553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brenda/pseuds/Brenda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Bucky clapped him on the back in commiseration.  "You really gotta tell him, man.  All of this pining and sexual tension's not good for your mojo."</i>
</p><p> <i>"Wouldn't do any good."  Steve lifted his head.  He was going to have jerk off material for at least the next year just from the memory of Thor's treasure trail disappearing under the white of his towel.  "He's still not into guys."</i></p><p>  <i>"Maybe he's hetero-flexible, you don't know."</i></p><p> (Modern Day AU where Steve & Thor & Bucky all served in the military together and Steve & Thor are now roommates.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clueless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SevlinRipley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevlinRipley/gifts).



> Yeah, so this thing was supposed to be - at the MOST - about 3000 words. Um, oops? Clearly word counts aren't my jam. But I did have a ball writing it, so that should count for something, right?

Hand to God, this wedding was going to send Steve screaming into the hills. 

He'd put together complicated and highly classified missions in some of the most dangerous and remote areas of the world that were easier than what he'd been dealing with the last few months. Bucky was damned lucky Steve loved him like a brother, because this was all some ridiculous shit. Tux fittings and best man speeches and helping with the seating arrangements for the reception and organizing the bachelor party and now he was expected to dance?

A man had to draw the line in the sand somewhere.

"If they'd just eloped when I told them to, everything would be so much better," Steve grumbled, as he followed Natasha into the brightly lit pub. 

"Yes, because Maria and James' wedding is all about _you_ and your convenience," Natasha replied, brushing a few strands of bright red hair from her face. She slid onto one of the stools at the bar, patted the one next to her. 

Steve took the offered seat. "Not really the point I was trying to make."

"The _point_ is, it's tradition that the best man and maid of honor dance together, so we're going to dance and you're going to at least _pretend_ to like it because you want your best friend's day to be perfect." Green eyes danced with mirth. "Unless you're the sort of person who hates making their friends happy, of course."

Steve ruthlessly tamped down the first stirrings of good old-fashioned, Irish-Catholic guilt. "Really, that's how this is going to be?"

"That's how this is going to be," she replied, with a razor-sharp grin, because she knew exactly what she was doing and how to wind him up. 

"Should I even bother to ask what the two of you are arguing about this time?"

They both turned in their seats to see Thor looking at them from the other side of the bar. Steve tried like hell – the way he always did – not to look like he was staring. Or drooling. Or both, really. 

Not that he thought anyone would blame him for doing either. Thor had a great smile, kind eyes, a hard, muscled body and long blond hair that was pulled back from a face that seemed like it was chiseled out of marble. Actually, _all_ of him looked chiseled out of marble. It was ridiculous. Thor was the epitome of ridiculous. It would be insufferable if Thor wasn't such a great guy.

Steve found himself smiling, his mood unaccountably lifted. He'd missed the hell out of Thor the last two weeks he'd been gone on assignment. "Hey, man, I didn't know you were back in town."

"Rolled back in two hours ago. You weren't at the apartment." Then Thor grinned, sunny and wide. "Is that my hoodie?"

"Probably," Steve conceded, glancing down. Come to think on it, it didn't look like one of his. And it was a little big in the shoulders. "I just grabbed it from the closet on my way out the door. Sorry."

"No worries, you wear it well." Thor transferred the megawatt smile to Natasha. "And you're looking ravishing as always, Natasha."

"Gotta do something to keep up with you and the All-American QB over here," she replied, with her own quick grin. "What are you doing behind the bar?"

"Just helping my brother out until Dale can get here. Vols called in, caught the flu bug or a cold or something." He placed his hands on the edge of the bar (which had the added effect of showing off very well-defined triceps under the short sleeves of his shirt) and gave them a fond, amused look. "So, do I want to know what you two are arguing about or not?"

"Not arguing," Steve grimaced. "More like...a creative difference of opinion."

"He's having a minor meltdown because he's got to dance at the wedding."

"I see," Thor replied, with a solemn nod. "Well, the offer for lessons still stands."

Getting that up close and personal with Thor sounded like a fucking disaster waiting to happen. "Yeah, no, that's a –"

"A great idea, and you should totally take him up on it," Natasha interrupted, with a wolfish grin. 

"Not _exactly_ what I was going to say."

"Well, if you change your mind, you know where I live," Thor said, with a wink. "What's your pleasure tonight?"

Steve very emphatically did _not_ say the first thought that popped into his head. He also studiously avoided even glancing in Natasha's direction, because she saw far too much, and the last thing he needed was to give her even more ammunition. "Um."

"Hopeless," he heard Natasha mutter, then louder: "What've you got on tap?"

Thor shrugged those magnificent shoulders. "The usual. Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light, Blue Moon –"

"We'll take a pitcher of the Blue Moon. Extra oranges," Natasha said. "And three chilled shots of Reyka."

"Three?" Steve asked.

Natasha made a gesture Thor's way. "We're celebrating his safe return from the wilds of the Midwest."

Thor put his hand over his heart and patted it. "I'm flattered. I had no idea you even missed me."

She laughed. "Only because Steve was all mopey without you and Barnes around –"

"I was not!" Steve squawked. He was a full-grown man, and full-grown men did not mope.

Thor just nodded and gave Natasha a conspiratorial glance. "Let me guess, he had takeout every night and he spent all of his time on your sofa when he wasn't holed up at work?"

"It's almost like you know him."

"I _am_ right here, you know."

"So you are," Thor replied, with a lingering look that did nothing to restore Steve's general equilibrium. 

"It's your own fault we tease you so much, you know," Natasha said.

"Yeah, how's that?"

"If you didn't look so cute when you were all flustered..."

"That's victim blaming."

"Truce, both of you," Thor said, eyeing the two of them. "I'll be right back."

"You should take him up on the lessons," Natasha said, once Thor was at the other end of the bar helping the couple who'd just walked in.

"If you're so concerned I'll step on your toes, you should teach me."

She laughed. "Talk about your terrible ideas. We'd spend the entire time arguing."

"True," he conceded. Even during the few months they'd dated, they'd still managed to fight like cats and dogs. "I'll think about it."

"Worried you won't be able to keep your hands from wandering places they shouldn't if you take Thor up on the offer?"

"I do have _some_ self-control," he said, but, because the universe loved to laugh at him, Thor chose that moment to bend down to grab a couple of chilled mugs from the cooler. Worn denim stretched in all the right places, and seriously, was it hot in here or was it just him?

Natasha nudged his arm. "Careful there, Rogers, your eyes look like they're getting ready to pop out."

Steve cleared a very dry throat. "Can you blame me? Could those jeans be any tighter?"

"It is an exceptional ass," Natasha concurred, with an appreciative look.

"He has an exceptional _everything_." Steve all but sighed it like some love-struck teenager. Just shoot him now. "And, sadly, the view of his exceptional everything is all I'm ever going to get." 

"Built like a brick shithouse and smart as a fucking whip, but you are so _helpless_ when it comes to relationships," Natasha said, with a sigh. '"It's like watching a wolf with the soul of a newborn kitten running around."

"Not helping," Steve said, narrowing his eyes. "Come on, you're always trying to set me up with someone these days, use your voodoo powers and find me a date. I really need to get laid before I try jumping my very nice and very _straight_ roommate who just happens to be one of my best friends."

She patted his cheek. "So cute. What makes you think I haven't?"

Before he could ask what she meant, Thor strode back over with a full pitcher (extra oranges, as requested) and two mugs, then quickly poured them three shots of chilled Reyka. Natasha pushed a shot glass in Steve's direction. "Here. Liquid courage," she said, then pulled her buzzing phone out of her purse. "Sorry, I need to take this."

She stepped away, and Steve turned back to Thor. "Cheers," Thor said, and clinked his glass to Steve's.

He picked up the glass. The vodka went down smooth and cool – guess there really was something to drinking the good stuff. And maybe there was also something to the whole liquid courage thing, because now Steve was able to look Thor in the eyes without feeling like he was either going to blush or yank him in for a kiss. 

"Everything go alright in Chi-town?" he asked. "Bucky mentioned there was a snag on the last day."

"There was, but we handled it." Thor's eyes darkened as he shook his head. "But no talking shop tonight, okay?"

"Okay." Steve knew how it got after missions sometimes. After all, he'd led their Delta squad for four years when they'd been in the Army. Sometimes it took a bit to decompress and get your rhythm back.

"Although, speaking of your better half, where is Barnes?" Thor asked, looking around Steve like he expected Bucky to materialize out of thin air. "Thought he'd be with you, celebrating his last remaining days as a free man."

"C'mon, he's been away from Maria for two weeks. You really think we'll see either of them until tomorrow sometime?"

"I take it she's back from her assignment in D.C.?" Maria worked at the New York branch of the FBI.

"Yeah, she got back this morning. We had lunch, talked a little shop, although most of it was about seating arrangements for the reception." Steve had had no idea that seating arrangements were such a source of family political strife, but he was learning all sorts of new things these days. If he was ever with anyone long enough to pop the question, he and his spouse were definitely going the justice of the peace route, then throwing a big party after the fact.

"Still hard to imagine Maria and Bucky tying the knot," Thor mused, leaning his elbows on the bar. "He was such a player back in the Army."

"Tell me about it," Steve chuckled. "He was just as bad in high school and college, too. I wasn't sure he'd ever settle down, but the minute he met Maria, I knew she was it for him. I'm just glad she took pity on him and said yes."

Thor grinned, showing the grooved lines around a very generous mouth. "You know, I know we always used to always joke about it in the squad back in the day to get a rise out of you and Barnes, but I really did think you and him had a thing going on."

"What? Oh no, uh, no." Steve made a face. "Me and Buck...it's never been like that between us. It'd be like doing my brother." Plus, weird. He'd known Bucky pretty much his entire life. "Besides, he's like you."

"Like me?" Thor asked, quizzically.

"Yeah, you know." Steve shrugged, and hoped like hell his disappointment wasn't too obvious. It wasn't like Thor could help his sexual preferences any more than Steve or Bucky could. "Into girls only."

Thor stared at him like Steve was speaking a different language. "Do what?"

"Uh, he's straight. Like you." Seriously, why was Thor looking at him like that? Not that he didn't enjoy having the full weight of Thor's attention on him or anything, but it was kinda weird. "I mean, it's okay, obviously, I like girls too, but even if I had a thing for my best friend – which I don't – he's not into guys."

Thor opened his mouth, then abruptly shut it when Natasha slid back onto her stool and picked up her shot glass. "Sorry, boys. Did I miss anything?"

Thor seemed to snap out of whatever funk he was in, and shook his head. "I think I did."

"We were talking about how weird it is that Buck's finally settling down," Steve said.

"Well, Maria hasn't called begging me to smuggle her out of the country, so it's safe to say she still hasn't come to her senses yet," Natasha said, and set her empty glass down. "Thor, are you _sure_ you're alright? You look like you got sucker-punched."

"I'm fine," Thor said, then a wide, warm smile lit up his face. It was a little like looking directly into the sun. "In fact, I'm great."

Steve couldn't help but smile in return. "That's great to hear, buddy."

Natasha just narrowed her eyes at Thor. "Finally," she muttered after a minute, and picked up her beer mug. "At least one of you seems to be getting it."

Steve wanted to ask what she meant, but Sam and Darcy walked in, and the moment was lost. 

***

Here was the thing, right. It wasn't like Steve had been pining after Thor from afar for years like some creepy stalker dude. Sure, he'd noticed right off when they'd met at Basic that Thor was a really hot guy with a really great smile and a body that could stop traffic, but Steve had been in a serious relationship at the time with Peggy, so casual admiration had been all there was to it at the start. 

He'd told Peggy, of course, that there was a literal Greek God in his unit, and she'd laughed and asked if maybe he'd be into a threesome once Steve got to know him better. Steve and Peggy'd had a couple by this point – with a friend of hers named Angie (amazing) and another friend of hers named Daniel (even more amazing) – but it wasn't like their sex life had needed the added spice, and getting someone else in bed with them hadn't exactly been high on Steve's list of priorities. And, then Thor had gone through RIP and Delta OTC with him and Buck and had been assigned to their squad, and that had kinda been that on the idea or discussion of any kind of sexual shenanigans happening where Thor was concerned. 

Steve didn't judge anyone who did choose to date or sleep with another person in their own chain of command, but he wasn't that person. For him, he knew it would just add another layer of stress some already pretty stressful situations. And, by then, he and Thor had gotten to be pretty good friends, which was also a no-go zone. So, the mild crush just became something Bucky would tease him sometimes when they were trying to distract themselves on difficult missions (much like Steve teasing Bucky on his crush on Stark's wife, Pepper), and everything had been fine.

Right up until he and Peggy had mutually ended things, and Thor suggested they bunk in with each other when they'd both gotten out of the Army. Normally, he'd have roomed with Bucky, but Bucky'd decided to move back in with his mom for a few months to help her out with her bills and get her situated (and then he and Maria had gotten serious and moved in together), but it wasn't like Steve had thought too much about it when Thor had suggested they find a place together. After all, they'd been pretty much living in each other's pockets for the last four years, so no biggie. 

Except living with Thor around the other guys in their squad was one thing. Living with Thor with zero buffer between them was something else entirely.

But it had really only gotten bad in the last six months or so – after Steve and Nat had ended their on-again, off-again, FWB relationship and Thor and his long-time girlfriend, Jane, had amicably parted ways. It was like some switch had gone off in Steve's head and he'd started really focusing on how awesome Thor was and how hot he was and well, it had all rolled downhill from there. Steve had been pretty much sporting semi-wood constantly, and had jerked off so much to the thought of getting his hands and mouth and cock and every other part of him on Thor's body that it was reaching laughable levels.

Well, it would be laughable if it wasn't so goddamn tragic. The only guy Steve wanted was the one person he couldn't have. Fuck his fucking life sometimes.

***

Something dark and vaguely nylon-ish hit Steve in the face the next morning, waking him from a dead sleep. "Nnngh," Steve said, because he was the epitome of eloquence, especially at...he peered at his alarm clock. "It's six a.m.," he groaned, thumping his head against his pillow.

"Up and at 'em, Captain," Thor said, and Steve didn't even need to look at Thor to know he was grinning that shit-eating grin of his.

"Fuck you, there's a reason I left the Army after my tour." He finally pulled the cloth off of his face. Shorts, not underwear, and they were even clean. That was something, at least.

"C'mon, I haven't gotten to go running with you in two weeks."

"And I got to blessedly sleep in every day," Steve grumbled. Which wasn't really true – he'd actually gotten up early to run every morning – but Thor didn't need to know that.

Just like Thor didn't need to know that he was the literal embodiment of sex right now, leaning against Steve's door dressed in the world's shortest pair of running shorts that showed off every golden inch of his strong, muscled legs and a threadbare tank top that was so sheer it was more like the suggestion of a shirt than anything else. It also showcased Thor's abs and chest and left his arms exposed and there really wasn't an inch of the man that wasn't cut like a diamond. 

Thor just smiled, which crinkled his eyes and was also unfairly attractive. "You coming or not?"

"Yeah, yeah." Steve hauled himself to a sitting position. "Gimme five minutes."

"You got it," Thor said, and turned to wait out in the living room. As expected, his shorts really did do amazing things to an already amazing ass. Steve put the sight into his mental spank bank for later and reluctantly rolled out of bed. Maybe the exercise would help.

***

Bucky was sitting in their kitchen at the four-seater oak table (Steve and Thor had rescued it last year from the sidewalk and spent months sanding and restoring it) when they returned to the apartment, both of them sweaty and out of breath. His dark hair was pulled into a man-bun, but he'd managed to at least shave off the mountain man beard he'd been sporting. Knowing Maria, she'd probably refused to let Bucky anywhere near her until he'd gotten reacquainted with a razor. (Steve personally didn't have a problem with beard burn, but his skin wasn't all that sensitive, either, so he was probably a terrible judge. Also, Thor rocked facial hair like a fucking boss, so yeah, there was that angle.) 

Bucky held up his coffee cup and saluted them both. "Morning, sunshine, how was the run?"

Steve bypassed the coffeepot and went right to the fridge. He tossed Thor a bottle of water, and downed his own in a couple of big gulps. "Sticky," he said, once he was sure he wasn't going to die of dehydration. 

"But exhilarating," Thor added, after he finished his own bottle. "You're here early." He and Bucky frequently rode into the office together when they had early client meetings or assignments.

Bucky pointed at the paper bag on the table. "Figured I'd bring breakfast."

"Thanks, man. I'm gonna hit the shower first. Save me a sandwich," Thor said, and headed to his room.

"You'll be lucky if I bother to save you any coffee," Steve called after him, and dropped to the seat next to Bucky. He desperately needed a shower himself, but the lure of food was too strong. 

Bucky shook his head. "You're a terrible roommate. I have no idea why he puts up with your lame ass."

"He woke me up at six to go running," Steve said, unwrapping an egg and bacon sandwich from Toby's Estate. "I'll take my revenge where I can get it."

"Yeah, okay, you might be on to something," Bucky agreed, and snagged a sandwich for himself. "I'd kick your ass to the curb if you tried to get me up that early."

Even when they'd been in the Army, Bucky'd bitched every day about getting up before what he considered a 'civilized' hour. Since Bucky's idea of civilized was something like ten or later, Steve had learned to ignore it. "Except you don't get a choice in the matter. I'm pretty sure your mom and mine would veto us if we ever decided to stop being platonic soulmates."

"Lifemates," Bucky corrected. "Soulmates are more romantic, I think."

"Whatever, same diff," Steve said, around a crunchy bite of espresso-infused bacon. Say what you want about the hipsters who populated Williamsburg, they knew how to make a killer breakfast sandwich. "Although, while we're on the subject of soulmates, I need you to ask Maria for a favor and tell her to get Nat off my back."

"About what this time?" 

"She seems to think we're required to dance at the reception."

"Me and you?" Bucky asked, confused. 

Steve cuffed him across the back of the head. "Me and Nat, dumbass. She's got it in her head that there's a best man, maid of honor dance."

"Yeah, she's totally yanking your chain about that. But Maria and your mother will definitely expect you to take them out on the floor for a spin."

"Buck, come _on_ –"

Bucky clapped him on the shoulder. "Suck it up, buttercup. You're almost thirty and your friends are starting to marry off. You need to bite the bullet and at least learn the box step or the waltz or something."

"You're supposed to be taking my side here. I think it's in the BFF manual."

Bucky snorted. "Yeah, no, not so much."

Thor's bedroom door opened and he stepped out, rubbing at his hair with a towel, with another slung low around his hips. There were beads of water still clinging to his pecs and arms and rolling down the sharp cut of his hips. Every single drop of blood in Steve's body made a mad rush to his dick. Suddenly, he was starving in a way that had nothing to do with his sandwich.

"Uh," he said, because words were somewhat low on his list of priorities. He wanted to put his tongue against every single drop of water. 

"Seriously, man, put on some clothes, all of that golden and chiseled perfection is just giving me a complex," Bucky complained, because Bucky was a terrible person who hated joy. "How do you even _get_ your traps to look like that?"

"Barbell shrugs and clean and jerks." Thor walked into the kitchen to the coffee pot. Steve tried not to drool at the sight of Thor's back and endless miles of skin on display. "It's not like your physique is anything to be ashamed of."

"Yeah, but I don't look like I was carved out of marble by some super horny Renaissance sculptor, either," Bucky said, completely oblivious to the fact that his best friend was literally _dying_ of lust.

Thor took a noisy sip of coffee and shrugged. The towel, sadly, didn't budge. "Maybe not, but I can't hit a moving target on a windy day at a thousand yards out."

Steve, meanwhile, couldn't catch his breath. It was just like when he was a kid and suffering through one of his childhood asthma attacks. He was pretty sure he was going to pass out from a lack of oxygen soon.

"We all have our gifts, this is true," Bucky replied. "Just don't have the tailor make your tux too form-fitting for the wedding or no one'll be looking at me."

"No one'll be looking at you, anyway," Thor said, with a grin. He reached between them and snagged one of the sandwiches. Steve fought the urge to nibble on Thor's forearm. "They'll all be much too busy admiring your lovely bride."

Bucky's grin was so blindingly bright it could have powered all of Brooklyn. "Fucking right they will, and I'll lap it all up with a spoon because I'm the one she'll be going home with at the end of the night."

"Spoken like a man in love," Thor chuckled.

"You'll understand one day when you're older."

"Give me ten minutes," Thor said, and clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder. "You okay, Steve? You're way too quiet."

"Hmm?" Thor's fingers were kneading at his nape, the touch warm and friendly and Steve was burning up from the inside out. His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth by some invisible superglue.

Thankfully, Bucky came to his rescue, because he might be a terrible person who hated joy, but he also knew Steve better than anyone else on the planet, and thankfully recognized the helpless look Steve was giving him. "Eh, ignore Steve, he's communing with his bacon."

"Of course." Thor slid his hand along Steve's shoulder, then patted his back. "Never let it be said I come between a man and his bacon," he said, with a small smile. He headed back to his bedroom with his coffee mug and his sandwich, shutting the door behind him.

It was like coming up for air after spending way too much time underwater. Steve gulped out a few deep breaths, familiarizing his lungs with oxygen, then just put his head to the table and groaned. 

Bucky clapped him on the back in commiseration. "You really gotta tell him, man. All of this pining and sexual tension's not good for your mojo."

"Wouldn't do any good." Steve lifted his head. He was going to have jerk off material for at least the next year just from the memory of Thor's treasure trail disappearing under the white of his towel. "He's still not into guys."

"Maybe he's hetero-flexible, you don't know."

He appreciated that Bucky was trying to be supportive, but Steve wasn't the type to pin his hopes on the impossible. "Buck, c'mon, we all went through basic together and RIP and OTC and were in the same squad for over four years. And I've been his roommate for the last two. That's almost seven flipping years we've known him and has he ever, even once, hinted at being attracted to a guy in any way?"

"I dunno, he's got a pretty big crush on Ed Sheeran," Bucky said, getting up to refill his cup. "Maybe you should dye your hair red or something."

Steve rolled his eyes and went back to his sandwich. But not even espresso-infused bacon could make him forget what he'd rather be doing with his mouth. "Remind me why we're friends again."

"I beat up Tommy Walker in the first grade when he broke your glasses."

"That was almost twenty-five years ago."

Bucky just grinned. "And your point is?" 

Steve's best friend and platonic lifemate, ladies and gentlemen.

***

Steve was proud of the private security firm that Thor and Bucky had put together after they'd all gotten out of the Army, and the team they had in place. They'd built up a sterling reputation over the last two years, and they'd started getting more and more high-profile jobs that took them all over the country. But, even though the offer had been on the table from the start for Steve to join the firm and be a partner, he'd decided to go down a different professional path. And maybe teaching professional studies classes at NYU wasn't as glamorous or dangerous or exciting as the Delta team missions he'd led, but he was okay with it. All he'd ever wanted to do with his life was help people, and this new career fit the bill just fine.

And if there were times when he missed his old team and that sense of camaraderie, he was okay with the trade off. His life was pretty good. Maybe not perfect and maybe he had a hopeless crush on one of his best friends, but on the whole, he was doing alright. He'd made it home alive and, more importantly, he'd made sure his entire squad had made it home safe and whole, and that was all that really mattered.

Of course, there were the days when he thought he'd rather be back in Libya dealing with the heat and sand and scorpions as big as his hand while trying to coordinate highly classified raids to rescue POWs, but those days were, thankfully, not the norm. And, the good thing about leading a civilian life was that he had beer and the promise of pizza waiting for him at the end of even the worst days.

He trudged up the steps to the apartment, briefcase bursting at the seams with essays he still needed to grade. He still had to prepare his lesson plans for the next week and write a few letters of recommendations for some of his students who were applying for new positions, but at least he was home and could change into shorts and a t-shirt. 

"Honey, I'm home!" Steve called, as he shut the door behind him.

Thor, on the sofa and thumbs flying on the controls of the Xbox (FIFA 15, Thor's favorite), gave a small nod. "Hi sweetheart, how was your day."

"No one read last week's chapters in the Project Management class, so I wasted half of the hour going over material they should already know, and Tranh led a mini-revolt in Business Analytics because he didn't want to take the pop quiz."

"Ah," Thor said, gaze flicking to Steve for just a moment before he went back to the TV. The glow from the screen seemed to make his cheekbones look even sharper. "In other words, a typical Wednesday."

Steve set his briefcase down on the table and yanked at his tie. "Pretty much." 

Thor hit pause on the controller and twisted to face him. Long strands of hair had escaped his ponytail to frame his face. His smile was pretty much the best thing Steve had seen all day. "You need a hug?"

"No," Steve said, although he kinda did. Lately, Thor – who'd always been pretty tactile and touchy-feely – had been pretty much on this one man mission to make sure Steve wasn't, like, touch-starved or something. Constantly patting him on the back or offering hugs or ruffling his hair or petting him in some way. As much as the near constant casual touches were slowly killing Steve inside, he found himself craving them, too. He was so fucked up.

"Liar," Thor said and stood, then pulled him in, wrapping those strong arms around him. Much like everything having to do with Thor, he didn't fuck around when it came to hugs. They were full-bodied, warm, and as comforting as a fuzzy blanket on a winter's night. Steve just relaxed into it, and tried not to act like he was totally sniffing Thor's neck.

Soothing hands ran down his back, relaxing him even further, and the tension bled out of him with every slow breath. "Better?" Thor murmured, his lips tickling Steve's ear.

"Yeah." Steve cleared his throat, and untangled himself from Thor's embrace, hoping like hell Thor couldn't tell he was semi-hard. And all from a simple fucking hug. "So, uh, how was your day?"

Thor shrugged and settled back on the sofa. He picked his controller back up. "Couple of milk runs for one of the banks, some recon for the Youth Assembly Program at the UN."

"It can't be all shady takedowns and exotic trips to rural Maine," Steve commiserated. "You, uh want a beer or anything?"

"Sure."

Steve took the time to get himself under a modicum of control and did not stick his head in the freezer to cool himself down, although he did give it a passing thought. But he'd managed to pull himself back into the friend-zone by the time he returned to the sofa with two cold ones and set both on the coffee table. He kicked off his shoes, then grabbed the other controller. "You deeply invested in this match or do you want some company?"

"Masochist," Thor said, with a smile. "You know I always win."

"Maybe I like getting beaten up." Which sounded a lot filthier – and flirtier – aloud than he'd meant it. So much for the friend-zone.

Thor grabbed his beer, took a long pull from the bottle. Steve tried very hard not to stare at either his throat or the redness of his lips. "I always knew there was something kinky about you. One doesn't go from Peggy Carter to Natasha to, who was the pilot friend of Sam's you were dating last year?"

"Rhodey," Steve supplied. They still occasionally got together for some mutual stress relief, although Rhodey's job kept him pretty busy. It had been a few months since they'd last seen each other.

"Yes, him. Anyway, one doesn't go from Peggy to Nat to Rhodey without being into something with a little bite to it," Thor said, and gave him an appraising look. "You're probably hiding all kinds of skills under those Americana good looks, aren't you?"

"I never claimed to be all that vanilla," Steve said, and shifted. They really needed to change the subject soon. Before he did something really stupid and totally unforgiveable that would ruin one of his best friendships and fuck up his living situation besides.

Thor knocked his knee against Steve's, all warmth and friendliness, and all Steve really wanted to do was crawl in Thor's lap and give him firsthand knowledge of exactly how kinky he could get. _Fuck_ , he needed to get laid. He hadn't been this messed up over another person in a long time.

"So," Steve said, way too brightly, because they really needed to talk about something else. He waved the controller. "Game on?"

Thor gave him an indescribable look and didn't say anything for an uncomfortably long time, but eventually, he just shrugged and nodded. "Sure, man. Game on."

***

"So." Darcy gave Steve an inquisitive look over the stacks of papers on her desk. Darcy, who also taught Professional Studies classes, shared a miniscule office with Steve. And when he said miniscule, he meant it. He'd been in bigger broom closets. His pup tent in the Army had been roomier. There was barely enough room for two small desks and one ancient, beat up sofa that sagged at one end and always smelled slightly of old sweat. "I heard Nat finally talked you into the best man/maid of honor dance at the wedding."

"Yeah." Steve shrugged, and went back to his laptop. If he didn't get these papers graded, Tranh wouldn't be the only one in the class trying to stage a revolt. "Not sure why, it's going to be a total disaster, but, you know. No one says no to Nat."

"So, who's teaching you?"

He knew that tone. He narrowed his eyes. "No one yet, why are you asking?" 

She gave him an angelic smile. "Just thought maybe Thor might've worn you down is all."

Yeah, there was definitely something going on. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about, he says, like it's not obvious to everyone on the planet that –" She abruptly straightened, and waved at a point behind Steve. "Oh hey, Thor, door's open."

A moment later, Thor dropped down next to Steve on the sofa, taking up all the room and all the oxygen along with it. "Thought I'd find you two here," he said. He dropped his chin on Steve's shoulder and peered over it at his laptop. "Grading?"

Thor's breath was warm against his neck. He was pressed way too fucking close. It took Steve a second to find his voice. "Yeah," he finally managed. "What're you, um... I thought you were in the Hamptons this week babysitting that senator."

"On my way up as we speak," Thor said, then held out Steve's phone. "But you left this in my car. Figured you might need it."

"Oh." Talk about having a blond moment. He hadn't even realized he was missing it. "Thanks," he said, and dropped it in its normal pouch in his briefcase. When he straightened, his gaze caught on the very familiar pattern of Thor's t-shirt. "Is that my shirt?"

Thor glanced down. "I was wondering why it was such a snug fit."

Snug didn't even begin to describe it. The fabric stretched and hugged every muscle like a lover. Steve bit back the moan hovering in the back of his throat. "It, uh, it's fine." He didn't even want to analyze why he was so hard over Thor wearing his goddamn clothing.

"You two are adorable," Darcy commented, cupping her chin in her hand. "Like an old married couple, except young and hot."

Thor nudged Steve's shoulder. "Was that a compliment or an insult?"

"I think it was both." With Darcy, it could go either way.

"It was definitely both," Darcy said.

"Oh, and I restocked the fridge before I left," Thor told him, with a pat to Steve's thigh. "Got you that kale-spinach salad mix you like so much and started a batch of chicken orzo soup in the crock pot. Should be good to go by the time you get home, and there should be enough for leftovers for a few days."

"Thanks, man. You didn't have to do that." Although Steve was grateful for it. Left to his own devices, he totally would live on frozen dinners and coffee. Of the two of them, Thor was definitely the better cook.

"It wasn't any trouble."

"You wanna come over to my place and cook for me?" Darcy asked, with a grin. "Do you wear a frilly apron? Do you _only_ wear a frilly apron? Because I think that should be a rule somewhere."

Thor laughed, the sound filling every corner of the room. "For you, Darcy, I totally would."

"And that is why you are totally my favorite out of all of Jane's exes."

"And I aim to keep that title," Thor said. "But, for now, I should get on the road." Thor gave Steve's thigh another pat, then stood. "See you Saturday?" 

Steve nodded. Already, he missed the heat of Thor's body against his own. "Yeah, sure. Text when you're on the way back to the city."

"You got it." Thor fistbumped Steve, then gave Darcy a kiss on the cheek and left the office. Darcy stared after him with a lusty sigh.

"Seriously, how is he even real?" 

Steve knew how she felt. "Maria thinks he's an alien from a far more evolved planet."

"I believe it." Darcy picked up her pen. "I love Jane and all and she's my best bud, but she's an idiot for letting a guy like that slip out of her fingers."

"I thought the break up was mutual."

"Exactly, and what does that say about the rest of us mere mortals if two hella smart and hella hot people like that can't make it work?" she asked. "It's just like you and Nat breaking up, y'know?"

"Not really? I mean, yeah, Nat and Jane are totally in the same league of stupid hot, but I'm not...I mean –"

"Steve, come on, you're, like, the perfect physical specimen. I swear, you and your absurdly flawless roommate were created in a lab somewhere."

He shifted, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. He'd always hated talking about himself. "Hey, it's not like Sam is chump change." Steve thought Sam and Darcy were pretty perfect for each other, in fact, with Sam's laid back charm countering Darcy's in your face vivacity. They seemed to smooth each other's edges in the way that all good couples did.

"True." Darcy nodded thoughtfully. "He's the best. I hit the lotto, no doubt." She leaned in, elbows on the table. "What about you? Still playing the field?"

"Something like that," Steve replied, and bent back over his laptop. He resolutely did not think about Thor.

***

It wasn't that Steve moped when Thor wasn't around, alright. That wasn't it, no matter what Natasha said. He was just used to...well, to being around people, between growing up around Bucky's very noisy and very big family and joining the Army right after college. But he could totally hang on his own, no problem. Just because the apartment felt far too big and quiet without Thor's presence or booming laugh didn't _mean_ anything.

So, he wasn't moping. Because he was a grown man who didn't mope. But if, after four days of maybe possibly going stir crazy, he was a little too eager scrambling to get to the intercom when it chimed, he didn't figure it was anyone's business but his own. "Yeah?" he asked, when he pressed the button.

"It's Maria. I have tequila and limes."

"You are officially my favorite person on the planet." Steve buzzed her up, and spent the next thirty seconds frantically straightening the living room and trying to make it look not quite so obvious that he'd been doing nothing except hanging out on the sofa and eating Thai takeout. (He'd gone through Thor's truly excellent soup in about two days, because he had no willpower whatsoever.)

He opened the door at the knock and was greeted by Maria holding up a bottle of Herradura and a mesh bag of limes. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, emphasizing sharp cheekbones, and she was in capris and a shirt that looked like one of Bucky's. "I need a break from my to do list," she said. "You in for a night of drinking and old movies?"

"God yes," Steve replied, and pulled her in, the hug nice and light. They'd actually dated for a hot minute way back in the day, but nothing had ever come of it. Then he'd introduced her to Bucky and Bucky had, within ten minutes of meeting her, told Steve that she was The One and he was going to marry her one day. After that, Steve looked on Maria like a sister, and they'd wound up being much better friends than they had potential romantic partners. 

Story of Steve's life, really. He was beginning to think he was doomed to play the friend card for the rest of his life. (Which was maybe slightly dramatic, but whatever. He was entitled.)

"Your mother still driving you crazy?" Steve asked in sympathy, as Maria made herself at home in the kitchen and got out the cutting board and a knife. He grabbed two shot glasses from the freezer and set them on the counter.

"You have no idea." She quickly sliced two limes, and gestured at him to fill the glasses. "I've never seen her like this, it's like she's a different person."

"If it makes you feel better, Bucky's mother isn't normally like this, either," Steve said. They clinked their glasses together and drank, then followed with the lime, even though the tequila was smooth enough it didn't need it. 

"Yes, but Bucky's mother has _your_ mother to keep her sane and out of my hair," Maria said. 

"Two more weeks and it'll all be over and you'll officially be Mrs. Hill-Barnes," Steve said, pouring them another shot. "Anything I can do to help in the meantime?"

"Not unless you want to help put together welcome baskets and go with me to the florist tomorrow."

"Yeah, no, lots of papers to grade and classes to teach, you know."

She laughed. "I almost wish a nice, juicy case would fall onto my desk so we could cancel the whole thing and just get it done at the courthouse with you and Bucky's sisters as witnesses."

"Well, if you change your mind..."

"Nah, I am kind of looking forward to the party and doing the whole walk down the aisle thing. And my dress is pretty amazing. Plus, when am I ever getting Bucky in a tux again?" she asked, on a sly grin.

"Never would be the word you're looking for," Steve answered, with his own grin. "He wouldn't even wear a tux to prom."

"Just wait 'til it's your turn to get married."

He grabbed the bottle and followed her to the sofa. "I wouldn't worry about that happening anytime soon." Or ever, he added silently.

She grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels until she found some old movie on TCM that was just starting. "No movement on the Thor front?" she asked, with a sympathetic look. 

" _Fuck_." He pushed his glass her way so she could refill it. "I can't even beat off now unless it's to porn featuring built blond guys."

Maria let out a low whistle and took her next shot. "That's just sad." 

"I know," he said mournfully, "I'm a sad pathetic mess." He dropped his head on her shoulder and sighed. "You should put me out of my misery."

She started stroking his hair. "I think you're far beyond that."

He head-butted her when she started to slow down. "I was afraid you'd say that."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I think I'm going to move out," he said, surprising himself. Although, once he said it out loud, it made perfect sense. "Clint's been making noises about getting out of Queens, so maybe I could bunk with him." 

Maria frowned. "Not exactly the response I was looking for."

"I can't keep doing this to myself," Steve said, gazing up at her with what he knew was a desperate look. "Maybe some distance'll be good, y'know. I'd like to be his friend again."

"I know," she said, pressing a cool kiss to his brow. "And I guess you should do what you need to, but I think you're making a mistake."

"I guess we'll see." Anything had to be better than torturing himself the way he had been lately.

"Just do me a favor and really think about it before you show up at mine and Bucky's with your duffel over your shoulder begging for us to adopt you. You know how we feel about strays."

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm mostly housetrained," he protested. On the TV, Ava Gardner was spinning some web of seduction around a hapless Edmund O'Brien. Steve was more of a Rita Hayworth guy, but there was no denying Ava's appeal. He probably would have fallen for her act, too.

"Fine, if you show up, you can have the sofa for three days, then I'm kicking you out."

"A week."

"A week, and you help Bucky clean out his rat's maze of a garage and fix the lawnmower."

"Deal," Steve said, and settled down to let her pet his hair again. "Hey, you know I'm happy for you guys, right. You and Bucky are really great together, I mean that."

Her smile softened, became something breathtakingly beautiful. One day, he thought, someone would look like that when thinking about him. "Thanks for introducing us," Maria said. "We're lucky to have you on our side."

"Always," he promised, and they shared another smile before sitting back to watch Ava light up the screen.

***

Two nights later, Steve jerked awake with a pounding heart and every sense on high alert. He'd never been what anyone would call a deep sleeper, and his years in Delta had only made it worse. Even the slightest of noises would wake him, which was kind of a problem in a city as noisy as Brooklyn, where sirens sounded at all hours and the flow of traffic and people and music never really stopped.

He heard it again – just a slight squeak of one of the loose floorboards in the living room – and slowly slid out of bed, grabbing his baseball bat on the way. He crept out of his bedroom on silent feet, the bat loosely curled in his fists, ready to strike hard and fast if needed. But when he opened the door, it was to find Thor trying (very unsuccessfully) to sneak through the living room to his own bedroom.

"You know I almost brained you," Steve commented, lowering the bat with an inward sigh of relief.

Thor didn't jump, but it was a near thing. "Fuck, Steve, warn a guy."

"I think that's supposed to be my line." Steve leaned against the doorjamb and yawned. "Thought you were a burglar or something. Aren't you supposed to be gone until tomorrow?"

Thor set his overnight bag down and flopped on the sofa with a groan. "Yeah, but the senator's sister-in-law had some emergency or something, so they packed up. I sent the guys home and stopped by the office to do some paperwork and next thing I know, it's midnight. Sorry I woke you, man."

Steve put the bat on the coffee table and took the cushion next to Thor. "Don't sweat it."

"Still having trouble sleeping?" Thor asked, concerned.

Steve shrugged. "Don't I always?"

"Yeah, but it's been worse than usual lately. Is something going on at the school or is it wedding stress or what?"

Steve didn't even know how to begin to answer that question. It wasn't like he could say that he was so restless because he was trying to deal with his feelings for Thor. "Maybe all of the above," he finally said. "But hey, I'm glad you're back. It was a little quiet without you."

Thor smiled, soft and affectionate, and he was so goddamn handsome Steve's breath caught in his throat. "Thanks for not beating me like a piñata."

It took him a second to find his voice. "You're welcome." He was so _so_ very fucked.

"You tired?"

Steve shook his head. He was still coming down from the adrenaline rush. "Not really. Why, you want some company?"

"Sorta," Thor said, and stood, stretching to his full height. "I thought maybe we could go through a few steps since we were both up."

"Huh?" Maybe it was the late hour or laying his eyes on all of Thor's _Thor-ness_ after a week apart had short-circuited his brain or something, but something wasn't adding up. "Steps?"

"Yeah, steps," Thor repeated, with a grin. "Or do you really want to trample on Natasha's toes to prove a point?"

Oh, _steps_. "Um..." Steve was very grateful for the dim lighting that hid his blush. "You, uh, now?"

"Yeah, why not." Thor crooked his finger in invitation. "Step on in, I won't bite. Well," he amended with a quick wink, "unless you ask me super nice."

The blush turned into an all-over shiver. Every atom in his entire body was begging him to call Thor on his bluff. It took him a few seconds to respond around the tight coil of want locking him in place. "Yeah, you're hilarious." 

"Not joking," Thor answered. "Unless you're too scared...?"

Swear to God, he was worse than Pavlov's fucking dog. Put a dare or challenge in front of him, and he was all over it. "This is a _spectacularly_ bad idea," he said. But still, he stood and shuffled forward, put one hand on Thor's shoulder and took Thor's hand with the other. "So...what now?"

"Well, you're a pretty good boxer, so think of it as a lot like boxing," Thor replied. His eyes were the palest blue and crinkled at the corners. His hand was warm and dry in Steve's own, and under the thin cotton of Thor's t-shirt, Steve could feel hard muscle. This close, his eyelashes seemed impossibly long, and the week-old stubble on his chin was just begging for the scrape of Steve's tongue over it.

Yeah, this was a terrible, terrible idea.

"Uh, how's that?" he asked, when it became clear Thor was expecting a response.

"We're mirrors. I step forward, you step back, I move my right foot, you move your left, understand?"

"Yeah, sure." Right now, Steve would have agreed to anything if it meant not letting go. It would be _so_ easy to close the distance between them, see if Thor's lips tasted as soft as they looked...

"We should probably have music for this..." Thor commented, but he didn't seem inclined to move to turn on the stereo.

"Just hum something," Steve told him, and glanced down at their feet.

Thor squeezed his hand to get his attention. "Eyes up here, Captain."

"Easy for you to say," Steve grumbled, but looked up. There was just enough height difference between them that he had to tilt his head back to look Thor in the eyes, which was...interesting. But not in a bad way.

Thor just smiled and started humming something light and classical and familiar, although Steve couldn't quite place it. Then he started moving, guiding Steve through a simple box step with deliberately measured movements. It was painfully slow going at first, and Steve got tangled up more than once, but Thor just started again, patiently led Steve around the living room until they completed two full turns without Steve missing a beat.

"Alright, you ready to lead now?" Thor asked, bringing them to a stop.

"Uh, maybe?"

"I mean, you could probably get away with letting Nat lead, but do you really want to give her that sort of ammunition against you?"

"Good point." Steve took a deep breath, resisted the urge to look down. He could do this. Piece of cake. 

"Whenever you're ready," Thor told him, with a fond smile.

"Right. Uh, sorry." He started out with halting steps, but Thor didn't give him any shit for it. Just followed Steve's lead through every turn, allowed Steve time to relearn the rhythm of moving forwards instead of backwards. And somehow, this was even _more_ intimate. There was a level of trust in play that was sort of akin to the trust Thor had always placed in him out on missions, except not quite as extreme. Still, he couldn't help the warm glow that spread through him as he found his footing and they started actually dancing in earnest.

"You're doing great," Thor told him, on the next turn. "Not as bad as you thought it was going to be, is it?"

"Maybe you're just a really good teacher," Steve joked, although he meant it.

"I think I'll leave the teaching to your capable hands."

"Uh, thanks." Was it his imagination, or was Thor pressed closer to him than he was a moment ago? Had Steve pulled him in without meaning to? He was so close, his lips were right _there_ , and he was closing the final distance between them before his brain finally caught up with his actions and he realized what he was on the verge of doing.

He stopped so abruptly he stumbled backwards and the backs of his legs hit the coffee table. "Uh, I, uh, think I've got the hang of it," he said, furious at himself for his lapse. Thor was a great friend trying to do him a solid, and he just _had_ to try to fuck it up by taking advantage.

"Hey, are you okay?" Thor asked, stepping forward with his hand outstretched.

Steve flinched away from the contact. "Yeah, I'm fine, uh, just, y'know, tired," he said, backing up across the room and resolutely ignoring Thor's puzzled, almost hurt, look. "But, uh, thanks? I mean, definitely thanks. You're a good friend."

"Thanks, I think?"

"I mean it, you are," Steve insisted, and finally, finally felt the doorknob to his bedroom door behind him. "So, um, night? See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure," Thor said, still standing in the middle of the living room like he was trying to figure out what the hell had happened. He was a good guy, for real, and deserved so much better than his friend and roommate lusting after him, but it wasn't like it was anything he could help.

Steve couldn't lock himself in his bedroom fast enough. 

***

He spent the night tossing and turning, and was profoundly grateful when Thor didn't come knocking on his door the next morning to go for a run. He wasn't quite ready to face Thor yet or what he'd almost done. The day also dragged by, and he was so distracted in class that he finally let his students leave early after he'd tried going over the same chapters they'd already covered the previous week.

He was almost relieved when he met up with Bucky at the tailor's for their final fitting and Thor was nowhere to be found. 

"Thor's not coming?" he asked, once they were ushered into one of the private dressing rooms and instructed to try everything on one last time.

"He's doing the final walk-through with the head of security at the Four Seasons, said he'd come by later," Bucky said, then gave Steve a searching look. "Why?"

"No reason," Steve lied, making quick work out of stripping out of his work clothes.

"Steve..."

"What, it's nothing. Nothing happened. Why, did Thor say something happened?"

"What? No, Thor didn't..." Bucky paused in the act of buttoning his shirt. His eyes grew as round as saucers. "Holy shit, did you finally get him in bed?"

"No, _Jesus_." Steve prayed he didn't look as guilty as he felt.

Bucky sighed and resumed getting dressed. "I gotta say, I am a tiny bit disappointed in you right now."

"How many different ways do you want me to tell you he's not interested in men?" Steve asked, yanking on his slacks with more force than was strictly necessary. "Would _you_ appreciate it if some guy kept trying to get you into bed after you told him you didn't swing that way?"

"No, but I'm not Thor, and I'm telling you I don't think he's as low on the Kinsey scale as you think he is."

"Okay, then, riddle me this." Steve shrugged into his shirt and vest. "We've been living together for two years, right, and I've seen him bring more than his fair share of women back to the apartment and he's seen me bring home girls _and_ guys and not once have I ever seen a guy stumble out of his bedroom the next morning. Never seen him flirt with one at a bar or even ask me any questions about what sex with a guy feels like." He grabbed his bowtie and started looping the ends together, keeping his eyes on Bucky's through the mirror. "If he was into guys or even just bi-curious, don't you think one of those things would have happened by now?"

"Maybe, I don't know. But, again, I'm not Thor so I don't know how he thinks," Bucky said. "And the point is you don't either. So you should at least come clean to him, put all the cards on the table."

"How about you concentrate on your impending nuptials and leave my love life to me."

"What kind of best friend would I be if I did that?"

"The kind who'll show up for his wedding with all of his teeth still in his mouth?" 

"Yeah, alright, keep telling yourself you could get a shot in before I knocked you out," Bucky said, then punched at Steve's arm. "Now, are you gonna tell me where we're going tonight for my bachelor party or not?"

"Not," Steve answered, sitting on one of the benches to pull on his shoes. The tailor had been pretty specific that they try everything on one last time. "What's the point of surprising you if it's not a surprise?"

"This isn't going to be some sort of payback for Hanoi, is it?" Bucky'd been trying for weeks to figure out what Steve had planned, but Steve had sworn everyone to secrecy.

Steve grinned, wide and wicked. "Now why would I do that?"

"Oh, come _on_ ," Bucky groaned. "That was so not my fault."

"Yeah, you've been saying that for years. Just like getting us suspended in fourth grade wasn't your fault and getting us kicked out of Coney Island – twice – when we were 12 wasn't your fault and you almost getting us arrested on prom night wasn't your fault and the thing with the Perez sisters..."

"Oh no, I am totally not taking responsibility for that one," Bucky protested. "Besides, I seem to remember getting you out of a fuckload of trouble when we were growing up, so I think we're even."

"You just keep on thinking that," Steve said, and got to his feet. He studied them in the full-length mirror. And maybe GQ magazine had a point, because there was _nothing_ like the look and feel of a bespoke tux. Definitely worth the small fortune he was paying for it. Not that he'd ever admit it aloud or anything, but he could see the appeal. He straightened his bowtie, met Bucky's gaze, and did his best James Bond blue steel look.

They held it together for about a second before bursting into laughter, because yeah, no way either of them were anywhere close to Sean Connery or Daniel Craig. They may have been soldiers once, and damn good ones at that, the elite of the elite, but there was no way they'd ever make it as a spies.

"Look at us," Bucky marveled, once the laughter had subsided to chuckles. "I can't decide if we look ridiculously good or just plain ridiculous."

"Let's go with both," Steve said. "But I think Maria'll approve."

"I'm getting _married_ , Steve." Bucky sounded like it was just now sinking in. "Holy fuck."

"Yeah, you are," Steve told him, with a small smile. "Welcome to adulthood."

Bucky nudged his arm and grinned that goofy grin Steve knew by heart. "You know she's the best thing that's ever happened to me other than rescuing your skinny ass when we were six, right? So, thanks. For, y'know, always being there. And for standing up with me."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Buck," Steve replied, oddly touched (sincerity really wasn't their speed or how they showed affection), just as the door to the dressing room eased open.

"It's just me," Thor called, stepping into the room, "sorry I'm late, I went ahead and got dressed in one of the other...rooms."

He stuttered to a halt, hand still on the door knob, as Bucky and Steve turned to face him.

"Well?" Bucky prompted, after a minute. "I mean, I know we're not gonna outshine the girls, but you think we can at least hang with them?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry, I was just..." Thor shook his head, and laughed under his breath. "You...you both clean up well." Then he smiled, soft and slow and wide. "Almost respectable."

Steve gave an embarrassed laugh and cupped the back of his neck. "You too," he offered, in what had to be the understatement of the century. The cut of Thor's jacket hugged wide shoulders like a jealous lover and his slacks were practically molded to his thighs. He'd cut his hair recently, which only accentuated sharp cheekbones and full lips. Looking at him was like staring at a diamond sparkling in the light. 

Steve had no idea how he was going to survive the actual wedding day.

Bucky clapped Steve's shoulder and squeezed. "You should really think about what we were talking about earlier."

"And what was that?" Thor asked, looking between them.

"Nothing," Steve replied, before Bucky could open his mouth. "C'mon, let's let the tailor do his thing so we can get the hell out of here and go grab a drink."

"Yeah, alright," Thor said, after giving Steve another one of those indescribable looks.

"Sounds like a plan," Bucky said, and, thank fucking God, changed the subject.

***

The wedding of Bucky Barnes and Maria Hill was, by any measure, a total success. Steve hadn't fumbled during the ring exchange, and the best man speech after had been well-received. At least, everyone had laughed in all the right spots and Bucky hadn't promised to kill him too many times during a few of the more embarrassing stories, so that was something. Bucky and Maria couldn't take their eyes off each other, which was as it should be, and Bucky's mother had only cried on Steve twice, which was also one for the win column.

He'd even managed to get through his dance with Natasha without embarrassing himself too much. Although Natasha had still teased him the entire time, because that was pretty much her default setting. Not that he'd have her any other way, and they both knew it.

Thor had, not surprisingly, been the big hit at the reception, with everyone from Bucky's grandmother down to Maria's four year-old niece clamoring for a dance. He'd obliged them all, of course, because he was a great guy like that, and if Steve spent a little too much time standing on the sidelines nursing his Jack and soda watching Thor spin around a seemingly endless parade of women, at least he wasn't alone in his admiration. 

Starting tomorrow, though, he was totally going to start hunting for a studio or one-bedroom apartment he could afford, because this whole thing had gone on long enough. 

After the cake was cut and the photographer got his shots and Bucky and Maria left for their honeymoon in a flurry of bird seed and good-natured catcalls, Steve spent the rest of the evening sitting at one of the banquet tables with Bucky's family, catching up on all the latest gossip and trying to keep Trevor, Bucky's 16 year-old second cousin on his mom's side, from hitting on Natasha. Not because Nat couldn't handle herself, but because Steve didn't want to take Trevor to the hospital after Nat broke his hand if he was dumb enough to try to cop a feel. 

He smiled when Thor dropped down beside him with a bottle of water. "Your mother is quite the lively dancer."

"That she is," Steve said, with more than a hint of pride. "Shame I didn't inherit her skill."

"I thought you looked fine," Thor said, and finished off his water. "You about ready to head out?"

"Oh thank God, I thought you'd never ask." Steve had really had a great time, but all he wanted now was to crawl into a pair of sweatpants and lounge on the sofa and play FIFA or Skyrim or something equally mindless.

They made their goodbyes and Thor drove them back to the apartment. And maybe it was all the stress catching up to him or something, because he nodded off almost immediately, and the next thing he knew, Thor had a firm grip around his waist and was herding him into the elevator up to their floor.

"I'm fine, really, you don't have to hold me up," Steve protested, even as he leaned heavily against Thor's solid bulk. He _was_ okay – just tired and maybe somewhat buzzed off of really expensive champagne – but if he got to use the alcohol as an excuse to snuggle against Thor for a few minutes, well, it wasn't like it was hurting anyone.

"I know I don't," Thor replied, unlocking the door to their apartment with one hand and guiding Steve inside the darkened living room. 

"You're a good friend, Thor." The best, really, aside from Bucky, and Steve's crush was ridiculous and hopeless and he really needed to get over –

He stumbled as his foot came into contact with one of Thor's discarded boots, and was just as quickly yanked back into the circle of Thor's strong arms. "Careful," Thor murmured, his voice much too close.

"Hmm?" Their chests were plastered together, hips pressed tight, and Thor's eyes were really fucking pretty this close. He was also radiating some serious body heat. No wonder Steve felt so light-headed.

Thor's arms tightened around him. His gaze darkened, dropped to Steve's lips. "Fuck it," Thor said, and before Steve could even ask what Thor meant, he was shoved against the door, Thor's thigh wedged between his, and he was being kissed within an inch of his life. Like, full-on, hardcore, he'd had actual sex that hadn't been this fucking good, angels singing, clouds parting – _that_ kind of amazing.

"What?" he gasped, when Thor finally let him up for some much needed air. His lips felt bruised and raw and every part of his body was humming like a live wire. "What're you –?"

"Months," Thor replied, rubbing his thigh against Steve's crotch. His arms were like steel bands. His stubble scratched along Steve's cheek as he scraped his teeth along Steve's earlobe. " _Months_ I've been trying to get you in my bed. I thought you weren't interested."

"Wait, _what_?" Steve really and truly didn't want to call a halt to anything going on right now, but Thor was making it impossible to fucking think. "What?" he asked again. "I thought you were –" He stopped, shook his head to clear it. Maybe he _was_ drunk and hallucinating. "You're not into guys."

Which sounded a little ridiculous, considering that Thor was rubbing up against his own very decidedly _male_ body, but it was the truth.

"Steve, I say this out of love, but you, my friend, are an idiot," Thor told him, then captured his lips for another kiss that scrambled what was left of Steve's brain cells. "I'm not into guys, I'm into _you_. Gay for Steve Rogers only, got it."

"Wow." Steve wasn't ashamed to admit his heart pretty much melted. Sue him, he was a sucker for a really good line. "That might be the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."

Thor chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest. "That's a really low bar."

"Yeah, I know." Steve didn't even know what they were talking about. He just wanted his mouth back on Thor's again.

"I did everything I could think of to show you I wanted you except crawl naked into your bed, and I was getting desperate enough take Darcy's advice and try that next."

"Oh," Steve said, stupidly. All this time pining like some teenager when they could have been having super hot sex. With each other. Jesus, he was a moron. "Well, uh, you still could. I mean, if you wanted."

"Steve..."

"But only if I get to be the one to undress you," Steve continued, untucking Thor's shirt and sliding his hands under it to finally ( _finally_ ) get his hands on smooth, bare skin.

"Anything you want," Thor groaned, then their lips met again, the kiss messy and desperate and filthy-hot. Steve was so hard he was light-headed. He ground his hips against Thor's and then groaned again when he felt the long, solid outline of Thor's erection pressing against his own. His mouth watered with want.

He fumbled between them, fingers thick and clumsy on the button and zipper of Thor's very nicely tailored slacks. "Wanna suck you off so bad. Been wanting my mouth on your cock for _years_ , you have no idea..."

" _Fuck_ , Steve..." Thor jerked, helpless and wanting, as Steve dragged Thor's pants down those endless legs. He wasn't wearing a goddamn thing underneath.

If that wasn't a fucking engraved invitation, Steve didn't know what was.

He dropped to his knees without another word, and wrapped his lips around the head of Thor's cock the next instant. Tasted pre-come and musk thick on his tongue, and Christ, this was better than any of his fantasies, this was so far beyond them that it was another plane of existence altogether.

"Steve..." Thor's voice rumbled out of him, low and wrecked, and when Steve blinked his eyes open, glanced up at Thor through lowered lashes, it was to see Thor looking down at him like Steve was some sort of goddamn marvel. It was the sort of look that would have made Steve weak in the knees if he wasn't already kneeling. He wanted to immerse himself in that look for, like, the next decade at the very least. Maybe longer.

He sank down, opened his mouth as wide as he could to accommodate Thor's not inconsiderable size (and God, he couldn't wait to have Thor inside him, stretching and filling him just right), and started bobbing his head, too far gone to take his time the way he wanted. There was no way he could fit all of Thor's cock down his throat (although he was looking forward to the opportunity to try again when he wasn't so impatient and needy), so he wrapped three fingers around the base, started stroking him off, meeting his lips halfway.

Thor, for his part, kept making these little dying moans that revved Steve up even more, and dropped his hands to Steve's head, thick fingers carding through his hair like he was petting a cat. And fuck, for the privilege of getting his mouth on Thor's cock, Steve was totally fine with it. He'd fucking purr if Thor wanted him to.

"Fuck, Steve, your mouth...ah, God, right...right there, perfect..."

Steve all but preened under the praise, and redoubled his efforts. He wanted Thor's come coating his tongue, choking him, he wanted Thor's fingers twisting inside him, opening him up, he wanted to lay Thor on his bed and wreck him from the inside out, wanted to fuck him until he couldn't remember his own name, then he wanted to do it all over again. His eyes were watering with every slide, his jaw felt like it was going to break, he was dying of a heat stroke under his jacket and shirt and tie, technique had long gone out the window, and he was still greedy for more, wanted with a desperation that should have scared him, but didn't.

"Steve..." Thor yanked, not gentle at all now, on his hair. " _Steve_ –"

That was all the warning he got. Thor shuddered, cock pulsing as he emptied down Steve's throat, and Steve coughed, choking as he tried to swallow, the bitter-hot taste overwhelming and already addictive. He barely had time to congratulate himself on a job well done before he was yanked to his feet and slammed against the door again, with Thor chasing his own taste on Steve's tongue, and impatient hands dragging at the buttons of his own slacks until Thor could close a hand around him.

It only took a few hard pulls before Steve came, and he probably should have been ashamed he hadn't lasted longer, but he couldn't really find it in him to care. He slumped, boneless and sleepy, against Thor's body, nuzzled at Thor's throat as he waited for feeling to return to his toes and fingers.

"Worth it." 

"Huh?" It was too much effort to actually lift his head, but Steve gave it the old college try anyway. He was sticky and his jaw was still sore and he wanted a nap and a shower and about a gallon of water, but Thor's arms felt way too good around him to move, and besides, he was giving off more heat than a sunlamp. Moving, even to clean up, just felt counterproductive.

"This," Thor clarified, placing a soft kiss to Steve's sweaty forehead. "It was worth the wait."

"Yeah?" Steve smiled, pleased, and tilted his head to meet Thor's lips with his own. "Me too."

"Although now that I've had a taste of you, it might be awhile before I'm done. Like, a really long while," Thor added, with a question in his eyes that Steve was only too happy to answer.

"I'm more than okay with that," he said, and pushed at Thor's jacket until he got it off of him, and attacked his buttons until he got the dress shirt off, too. His mouth started watering again. He could spend a year on Thor's shoulders alone. "Take as long as you need."

Thor returned the favor in short order, and this was much better. Bare skin sliding along bare skin, no barriers, just the two of them. "I can't believe you didn't catch on."

"I've been repeatedly told that I'm not the smartest guy in the room when it comes to relationships or even knowing when someone's into me." Bucky was going to be absolutely insufferable. Thank fuck he was on his way to his honeymoon so Steve wouldn't have to hear about it for the next ten days.

Thor laughed, and kicked his slacks all the way off, along with his shoes. "For the record, just so it's out there, I'm very interested in you and in a relationship."

"Same here," Steve replied, smiling so wide his jaw started aching again. "I know our shower is laughably small, but you wanna join me anyway, then go for round two on an actual bed? I vote yours, since it's bigger than mine."

"And to think you don't consider yourself a romantic," Thor said, eyes dancing with mirth and so much affection Steve felt giddy with it. 

"Hey, that was a very romantic blowjob. I don't swallow for just anyone, you know." 

Thor laughed again, easy and low. "Then I feel very fortunate."

"You really should," Steve replied, with his own smile. He bent just long enough to untie his shoes, then quickly started getting undressed. He knew it was terrible of him to leaving a suit like that crumpled on the carpet, but he had bigger priorities, and it wasn't like there weren't ten great dry cleaners within walking distance. 

When he straightened back up, Thor cupped his nape, those large hands cradling his head like he was something precious and rare, and the kiss was light, almost chaste, but Steve shivered at the promise in it all the same. "Yeah?" he asked, a question and an answer all rolled into one.

"Fuck yeah," Thor answered, and kissed him again, this time not so chaste.

They didn't make it to the shower – or Thor's bed – until much, much later. 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Jo for going through the initial edit and pointing me in the right direction on what it was missing, to Melle for talking over the changes with me & basically not laughing over my OCD tendencies, and to G., who continues to be a beta rockstar of the highest order. Any remaining mistakes are mine alone.
> 
>    
> You can now find me on [Tumblr](http://brendaonao3.tumblr.com/). :)


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